Ever since I became a mom, my lizard has found an entirely new area of my life to ruthlessly critique. In her typical fashion, Blanche has found a number of creative ways to try and convince me that her typical lack and attack fears are true.
Last week, I shared some of my lizard’s fears with you and today I’m going to show you how I’m going to dust them out (because we’re spring cleaning our minds, remember?) The examples I provide for you in my next posts are meant to serve as examples of how you can use Byron Katie’s The Work to clean up your mind as well.
Since Blanche erroneously believes that her fears around my mothering are true, we’ll put up one of her new favorite Tunes O’Terror to inquiry.
Lizard Fear: You are a terrible mother. How could you not have realized he needed his diaper changed? (Or that he was hungry? Or that he was too warm? Or whatever other psychic knowledge Blanche believes I am supposed to automatically have because I gave birth).
1. Is this thought true?
Am I terrible mother? Maybe I am. Maybe other moms just instantly know why their babies are crying.
2. Can I absolutely be sure that this thought is true?
Can I be sure that I’m a terrible mother? No. I cannot be absolutely sure that I am a terrible mother.
3. Who am I with this thought?
Hmmm. Definitely more stressed out. I feel inadequate, insecure and full of self-doubt. I act in an anxious manner which certainly doesn’t help the baby stop crying any faster.
4. Who am I without this thought?
I am a mother trying to figure out why her baby is crying. I am calmer. I feel like this is all part of learning to be a mom. Just part of the territory.
*Turn-around (The opposite of your original thought with evidence). Since my original thought was “I am a terrible mother,” my turn-around thought would be, “I am a great mother.” Some evidence to support this would be:
-I love this kid to pieces.
-I make sure he has everything he needs, physically and emotionally.
-I’ve reduced my work hours so that I can spend more one-on-one time with him (By the way, this is NOT to insinuate that moms who don’t reduce their work hours are terrible mothers. This just happens to be a sacrifice that I could financially make at this point in time).
-I have read a zillion books and articles on babies so that I am more educated about what my baby needs.
I could probably list about 100 ways that I am a great mom but you get the point. Once you show the lizard evidence of its opposite thought, it loses power. Its original assertion no longer has the power to make you feel like crap and you can move on with your day feeling much happier and freer.
Now, isn’t it time for you to start dusting off some of your lizard thoughts?