The Dating Program of Three

Posted on April 26, 2010


As part of my ongoing dating and relationship research, I have recently purchased Diana Kirschner’s book Love in 90 Days. First let me say that I do not agree with every piece of advice that Dr. Kirschner presents in this book. However, there is something to which Dr. Kirschner advises single women to do that I know is excellent advice . This is “The Dating Program of Three.”

The Dating Program of Three is simply this: Date three guys at the same time without having sex with any of them to find out which one, if any, are the right one for you to make a commitment to.

That’s it. Why do I think this works? I know this works because I was dating two other guys when I started dating my husband. Because I had three guys to juggle into my already busy schedule, I wasn’t available to see any ONE of them every Friday or Saturday night. If they wanted to see me, they had to make plans. In advance. And even then I might have to turn them down because I had other plans.

I didn’t have time to obsess over every detail of our date the next week-I was too busy getting ready for another date with someone else. I didn’t have time to text, call or email any one of them back right away. And I didn’t do what I had always done before: making one of them the center of my universe before the time was right.

This is what happened when I dated three guys at the same time. After several weeks, it was obvious that A. was incredibly sexy and funny but soon got tired of having to make plans with  me in advance. He was the kind of guy who wanted a girl to drop everything for him, so he could seduce her and then move onto the next chic. (Which is exactly what he did to another woman after we stopped seeing each other).

S. was a therapist and consequently, an incredible listener. It would have been easy for me to be with him long-term, since our professional lives overlapped on several levels. I may EVEN have been tempted to overlook the fact that he was divorced with small children. But I was also dating G. at the time, and S.  paled in comparison to him.

G. is the one who always brought me flowers and chocolates, who made hilarious comments during dinner, who was kind and thoughtful and never seemed upset or threatened when I stated my boundaries. G. had never been married before and there had been no custody battles in his past. Although he made it known he was attracted to me, he was always respectful.

Does it surprise you that G. is the one that I ended up with? Of course not.

I think Dr. Kirschner is really onto something with her Dating Program of Three idea. I like it so much, I’ll be talking about it more in future posts. If you’re dying to find out more right now, her book Love in 90 Days explains how to do the whole program.