Dating Program of Three: Being Selective

Posted on May 3, 2010


Last week, I wrote a little bit about the Dating Program of Three and why I think it’s such an effective way to approach dating. (You can find that entry here). You may find yourself wondering Now What?

*If you are NOT wondering now what, if you are instead thinking-I can’t even find ONE guy to date, how does she expect me to find three?-stay tuned. I’ll write a post later on this week about how you-YES you-can date three guys at once. Please suspend your disbelief for now and just hear me out.

What I’m going to say next may sound a little corny, but it totally works.

I want you to start thinking of yourself like Harvard.

That’s right. You heard me. HARVARD.

Why Harvard? Because Harvard is extremely selective. Harvard doesn’t accept everyone who applies-in fact, they only select a very small minority of applicants. Harvard is a quality school with excellent teachers and classes and so it has the ability to select only the best and the brightest students. I want you to start thinking of yourself like Harvard.  And I want you to start thinking of the guys who ask you out as applicants.

Here’s how you can do this:

Step One: Become a phenomenal woman.

Harvard is a FANTASTIC school. If you’re going to start thinking of yourself like Harvard, what this means is that you need to become the best person you can possibly be. You are probably already a fantastic woman, but like I said, I want you to be like Harvard. So think about what you would like in a partner, and then make sure that you have those qualities yourself. If you don’t have the qualities you are looking for in someone else, you’ll want to do what you need to do to develop those qualities.

If you want to be in a relationship with someone who is successful in his career, make sure that YOU are successful in YOUR career. If you want someone who is intelligent and educated, make sure YOU are intelligent and educated. You say you want a real cute guy? Make sure that YOU are doing all that you can to be physically attractive and appealing. Harvard is selective because it CAN be. It has a lot to offer. As important as it is to be selective, you need to make sure that you are bringing a lot to the table as well.

Step Two: Develop a rigorous weeding-out process.

If you have a bad habit of dating not-so-great guys, you’re going to have to teach yourself an entirely new way of dating. You’re going to have to find a way to weed out the jerks. Don’t fear! That’s what I’m here for, to help you do just that.

You CANNOT just put ANYONE into your Dating Program of Three. (Remember: You are Harvard). The whole purpose of the Dating Program of Three is to help you get a balanced and realistic perspective on three great guys. It is NOT about quantity. It is about quality. So if you start dating three losers, what’s the point? You’re back to where you were in the beginning. That’s why you need to develop a way to weed out the guys that won’t be good for you to date.

So let’s say you meet a guy and he asks you out. How do you know if you should keep dating him? How do you know if you should put him into your program of three? The answer: By putting him through some kind of application process.

Here’s how the process works. You go on one or two dates with the guy. You answer the following 3 questions about how he treats you. If and ONLY IF you can honestly answer yes to all three questions, then this guy belongs in your Dating Program of Three. If you’re on a third date, and you still don’t know how to answer the questions, more than likely you need to drop him. (I’ve taken the following questions from Diana Kirschner’s book Love in 90 Days.)

Here are the questions:

1. Is he crazy about me?

2. Is he willing to grow as a person?

3. Is he meeting the basics?

I’ll talk more in-depth about these three questions and their corresponding checklists in my next post.