Your lizard and your thighs

Posted on May 26, 2010

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We’ve got two beautiful pools in the condo community where I live. So naturally, I take advantage of this. Put on my bathing suit, head down to the pool and spend an hour or two there some afternoons. And of course I can’t help but notice that there are quite a few beautiful, tan, model-esque young women who hang out by the pool a lot as well.

Blanche loves this. She loves comparisons, especially the ones where she thinks I come up short.

“Look at that girl’s arms. They are so toned. Too bad your bathing suit doesn’t have sleeves.”

“Bikini? Really? I think you should have picked a one piece.”

“Really, why haven’t you been to the gym more often? You knew summer was coming.”

And so on and so forth.

Funny thing is, just as I was about to whap Blanche over the head, two of these immensely gorgeous women walked by me. One turned to her friend and said, “I can’t believe I have so much fat on my legs.” The other one responded with, “You?!? Have you seen my cottage cheese thighs?”

Lizards! They are everywhere. Usurping the fun we could be having in our bathing suits.

Ladies, summer comes but once a year. Why not make this summer the one where you DON’T let you lizard get the best of you when you go shopping for a bathing suit or head down to the beach.

Remember when we were 10? We could not wait to go to the pool because it was so much damn fun. Water slides, splashing our friends, Marco Polo, pool volleyball.

What happened?

Lizards. That’s what happened.

I say we all take back our inner 10 years olds, go down to the water and have ourselves a great time. This summer, I am boycotting Blanche.

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Posted in: Love 101