Know Thyself

Posted on June 9, 2010


In a previous post, I discussed the importance of being honest with people about what’s important to you in a relationship. One should be aware of what she is willing and is not willing to compromise before seriously getting involved with anyone. And that of course, would require that one really knows herself.

I am consistently surprised at the number of women who honestly don’t know what they want because they are not sure of who they are.

Is this because we’ve been conditioned as little girls to “play nice” and not express our true emotions? Is this because we’re constantly bombarded with images of models who are supposedly demonstrating to us what it means to be beautiful? Is this because the media consistently plays on our insecurities in an effort to get us to mold ourselves into someone else?

You don’t have to look much further than the women’s magazines in the grocery store aisle to see what I mean. With titles like How to be the Woman He Can’t Resist and Ten Ways to Get the Man You Want, it’s no wonder women are confused.  Everywhere we go, there’s an insinuation that who we are is not good enough, that we must become someone else in order to attract a great relationship.

That’s the biggest lie that was ever told. And it keeps getting told because it makes a lot of people a lot of money.

So stop believing it.

Romantic relationships based on manipulation are not happy and authentic relationships. And don’t you want to be in a happy and authentic relationship?

Instead of spending your time trying to figure out the myriad ways to manipulate a man in order to get him to be interested in you, why not figure out who you are, so that you can make better romantic choices?

Before you jump into a relationship, you need to know yourself. One of the best ways to get to know yourself is to spend time alone every day, in some kind of introspective activity.

You don’t have to meditate. I know a lot of people get antsy when I talk about meditation; they say they can’t sit still or they have back problems or they’re afraid they’re not doing it right. So if meditation’s not your thing, find something else. You can sit on your porch with a cup of tea, or spend a few minutes journaling or go for a walk outside.

The only two requirements are:

a) you must do this activity alone in a quiet place {no distractions such as people, cell phones, tvs, computers, etc}


b) it must be something you enjoy.

15 minutes every day in some kind of introspective activity is a good place to start. 30 is even better. But if you insist that your schedule is just too jam-packed, start with 5.

5 minutes every day being alone with yourself. You can manage that. You may even find, as I did, that after a little while, you’ll find creative ways to make more time in your busy day.

Put down that magazine with its Top 5 Things you Should Say to Get a Second Date and go for a walk instead. This will teach you about you better than any Cosmo quiz.

Posted in: Love 101