The Change Uglies

Posted on September 3, 2010


In an earlier post this week, I talked about the number one reason your usual group of cheerleaders may withdrawal their support when you undertake a change. Their intent is usually not malicious-just based in fear-and I’ll be discussing ways you can deal with this resistance in future posts this month.

But I would be neglectful if I didn’t address the other two reasons people may not support your change. These reasons I refer to as “The Change Uglies.”

Yeah, that’s right. The Change Uglies. Unlike the number one reason your friends and family may give you a hard time when you change (which goes something like “but-you-no-longer-fit-into-the-puzzle-the-way-you-used-to-which-means-I’ll-have-to-change-now-oh-no!”), the change uglies are the absolutely ugly reasons people give you a hard time even when you think you’re moving in the right direction.

Here they are, as unattractive  as they may be:

2. You are dealing with a frenemy.

That’s right. Sometimes a frenemy (an enemy who pretends to be your friend) will show his/her true colors and intentions when you enter a caring and loving relationship or when you make a big change in a positive direction. Fueled by jealousy and envy, a frenemy will inspire self-doubt, negativity and may even go so far as to sabotage the change you’re trying to make.

Although the popular media uses this term exclusively in female groups, the truth is my clients have experienced frenemy issues with both men and women and many times with family members. Unlike the number 1 reason people around you resist your change, the frenemy has an ugly intent-to keep you down for their own selfish reasons. Therefore the strategies and coaching tools I’ll encourage you to use with frenemies will be much different from those you will use with people who truly love and care about you. (And of course I’ll guide you, step-by-step, on how you can tell the difference).

The third reason those around you may throw a fit when you change is because:

3. Your change is actually NOT a move in the right direction and others are trying to protect you from getting hurt.

Although rarely the case, sometimes one thinks she is actually making a positive change, when in fact she is headed down the wrong path altogether. In situations where this happens, your friends and family may throw a very big fuss in order to get you to see the error of your ways.

So there they are. The three reasons your surrounding circle may be inspired to have a temper-tantrum as you’re trying to make some positive changes.

The tools and strategies I’ll teach you to use for each of them will be as varied as they are. By the end of this month, you’ll be able to deal with change-back attacks and frenemy issues and I’ll also share with you a self-coaching strategy you can use just in case you’re afraid the uproar around you may be due to your own grave mistake. And then, the only resistance to change you’ll have to manage is your own.

Posted in: Change