The Change-Back Attack

Posted on September 7, 2010


At some point, in your ever-evolving life, in your ever-growing self, things are going to change.

That’s right. As hard as you may have tried in the past to keep things just the way they are, one day you are going to wake up and decide that you need to shift. Maybe you’re tired of yet another first date gone horribly wrong. Or you’re sick of being hurt by the same jerk. Perhaps you’re just tired of coming home to an empty house at night.

Whatever the reason, at some time in your dating and relationship world, things are going to change. And, because you’re reading this blog, my hunch is that the change is going to come from within, whole-heartedly from your own choosing.

This change will hopefully be one that sets you in motion towards a great relationship. And naturally, you’ll assume that since this change is a positive one, those around you will be cheering you on as you move forward.

This was my assumption when I finally got fed up with all of my crappy romantic relationships. I was done with lousy guys, cheating boyfriends, mean-spirited SOB’s and insecure wimps. I decided I needed a change and a big one at that. Then, after a lot of self-work in my thirties, I finally met an incredible guy and got engaged.

I thought the world around me would be celebrating. At the very least, the friends who watched me struggle for years with bad relationships would be delighted. My married friends surely would rejoice that I would now be joining their ranks and my single friends would be relieved they no longer had to console me about another break-up at 3am. Right?

What really happened was that some people were very happy for me and completely supportive. And others completely shocked me with their rudeness, their jealousy or their negative remarks.

I started to doubt myself. Was I making the wrong decision? After a bit of reflection, it was apparent that I was not. Then I started to doubt my perceptions. Had I just chosen some really bad friends? I couldn’t understand how people who loved me would not rejoice in my happiness, especially in love!

What I was receiving (and what you should prepare yourself to receive when you begin to change) was a bunch of Change-Back attacks. We’ve talked about people in relationships being like puzzle pieces. We’ve talked about how some of those near and dear to you just abhor having to adjust themselves to accommodate your change so they resist (even if it is a very positive one.) Well, this resistance comes in the form of a Change-Back attack.

A Change-Back attack is a form of resistance from your fellow “puzzle pieces” that says, either overtly or subtly Change Back. As in: Change Back to who you were! (Read: I am being selfish right now and your change in making me uncomfortable in some way.)

This week, I’ll post some common examples of the Change-Back Attacks you can expect when you make a big shift your dating life. I’ll also share some effective strategies on how to deal with them.