Enter: Frenemies

Posted on September 14, 2010


You’ve made a great, positive change in the way you do dating and relationships and you’ve gotten a Change-Back Attack from someone you assumed would be supportive. Well, now what do you do?

You, dear reader, must decide who is a real friend and who is a frenemy so that you’ll know how to proceed.

The definition that I found online for frenemy states: “A frenemy is someone who pretends to be your friend but who really is your enemy.” I would like to expand this definition to: Someone you previously believed would be positive and supportive about your personal growth and who has proven otherwise.

Now before you go writing off every person who’s made an insensitive or rude remark to you since you’ve made this big change, let me encourage a bit of caution and patience here.

We are discussing fellow human beings who, regardless of their best intentions, may have succumbed to a jealous or insecure urge and said something they wish they had not. Just because someone has given you a Change-Back attack does NOT mean that they are a true frenemy. It is often those whom are closest to you who will have the most difficult time adjusting to the new you.

Prepare for Change-Back attacks as you change. They are as inevitable as death and taxes. Be careful, however, before you jump to label someone as a Frenemy.

I will strongly encourage you to use different strategies with Frenemies than you would with, let’s say, an envious best friend who’s having a difficult time adjusting to your recent engagement. One of the most essential strategies is to create a lot of distance between you (and your newfound happiness) and them. So be sure you know who you’re dealing with before you start dealing with them.

Do any of these descriptions sound familiar?

-A “best friend” who takes an instant disliking to a person you’ve recently started dating.

-A colleague who likes to commiserate with you about how awful men and/or women are. This person may say things like, “All men are dogs,” or “All women want is money and  status.”

-A parent who informs you should lose 10 lbs, improve your wardrobe or start making more money if you ever want to meet anyone decent.

-A brother or sister who reminds you of the not-so-great people you’ve dated in the past or your own dating and relationship mistakes.

-Friends or family members who keep talking about your ex, either in good or bad terms.

These all sound like things Frenemies would say and do. This week, I’ll discuss in detail the 3 most common types of Frenemies and what you can about them.

Posted in: Change, Frenemies