Three Types of Fremenies

Posted on September 15, 2010


How many Frenemies does it take to rain on your parade?

Just one. That’s if you let ’em. But just in case you’ve got more than one frenemy, or in case you’re not sure if you’re dealing with one, below are descriptions of the three most common types.

Frenemy #1:  The Hopeless Cynic

Description: You probably know this Frenemy well. He’s the friend you meet at Happy Hour every Friday so that he can complain about how lousy women are. This is the friend who wants to meet you for coffee so you and her can discuss how commitment-phobic the male population is.

This Frenemy Relationship is based on: Negative commiseration. Most of your conversations revolve around complaining about something. (ie: All the good men are taken or all women are gold-diggers).

When you make a positive change this Frenemy will: Consistently make cynical and negative remarks, especially personal ones. (ie: “You DO realize that more than half of all marriages end in divorce?” or “You’re going to turn into one of those boring married people who only talks about their kids, aren’t you?”)

Frenemy #2:  The Needy Narcissist

Description: This person always has some kind of emergency that they desperately need your help with. They’ll want to talk to you for hours about their problems, but hardly ever listen to any of yours. There are obvious and subtle references made insinuating that your life and your needs are not as important as theirs. The message they send through their words and actions is: It’s all about me, so it can never really be about you.

This Frenemy Relationship is based on: one-way giving (from your end). This person shamelessly uses up and abuses your time, money, energy, attention or all of the above.  This is the most toxic Frenemy relationship as this person will drop you immediately once you assert any needs or boundaries of your own.

When you make a positive change this Frenemy will: often do something extreme and grossly immature to try to get your undivided attention again.

I once had a Frenemy like this who started making 2am “emergency” phone calls once I started dating a new guy after a long time of being single (This guy is now my husband.) When I told this Frenemy I would only talk to her during “normal waking hours” she threw a huge tantrum and demanded that I chose either her friendship or the guy I was dating. Guess which choice I made?

Frenemy #3:  The Green-Eyed Monster

Description: This jealous Frenemy puts down a new person you’ve started to date, makes fun of them (in a mean way)or makes rude comments about them, expresses doubts about them and/or refuses to hang out with you and your new partner.

This Frenemy Relationship is based on: You not getting anything that he/she wants. This person is happy to remain your “friend” as long as he/she views you as inferior to them in some way. If you obtain something they want, the green-eyed monster rears its ugly head.

When you make a positive change this Frenemy will: usually say something intentionally mean or say something to encourage your own self-doubt. This Frenemy may pout or start arguments when you start spending less time with him/her.

So there you have it. The three most common types of Frenemies. Tomorrow I’ll discuss strategies to dealing with all 3.

Posted in: Change, Frenemies