The Biggest Mistake You’re Making

Posted on May 20, 2011


This month, we’ve been examining how to improve the process of falling in love. One very important way is to dissolve unrealistic expectations and destructive thoughts.

One of the most common-and biggest-mistakes I see single people making lies in their thinking. The thought that causes so many illusions, and disappointments, goes something like this:

Once I meet that special someone, then I’ll be happy.

Nothing could be further from the truth. And if you’re entertaining this thought yourself, let me explain why it’s so worth your time to remove it from your brain.

1. No one creates your happiness (or your lack of it). You do that all by yourself. Being happy is a choice, a choice you make each hour by deciding which thoughts to hold on to and entertain and which thoughts to challenge.  Believing that someone else could actually control your emotional state is a pretty dangerous thought to hold onto. No one has that kind of control over you. The truth is that you are the only one who can create your feelings of happiness.

2. Believing that a relationship, or a special partner, will bring you never-ending happiness is unrealistic. Romantic relationships can inspire happiness. They also can inspire feelings of frustration, anger, disappointment and a whole host of other not-so-great emotions.

Think of the people you know who are in long-term relationships or are married. Is everything always all rainbows and roses for them? Of course not. And it won’t be for you either. If you continue to believe that once you find that special person you’ll always feel great, you’re already setting up your future relationship for disaster. Harboring unrealistic expectations only brings on feelings of disappointment when reality sets in.

3. This thought means you can’t have happiness right now. 

If you have to wait to achieve some result in the future in order to let yourself finally be happy, you are robbing yourself of potential happiness you could have in the present moment. You’re basically sacrificing the sacredness and joy of today because you don’t believe that you deserve it without a partner.

Why wait to be attached before you can allow yourself to be happy? What kind of life is that? Your time here on earth is limited, just like everyone else’s. Why not be happy, right now in this moment, with or without a partner?

If you’d like to make the process of finding love a thousand times better, resist the temptation to believe this thought. Enjoy the process of getting to know many people, dating many people, and figuring out who brings out the best in you, who is the right person for you. Enjoy the entire process of learning more about yourself and love. And learn to be happy while doing it.