Just because you get it…

Posted on February 16, 2013

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…doesn’t mean that everybody else does. 

The other week I was coaching a client who is having trouble with her friendships. This woman is kind, thoughtful and intelligent. She makes sure to show up for the people she loves. During one of our sessions, I actually thought to myself-If she’s having trouble making good friends, then we’re all screwed. She’s *that* awesome. 

This woman’s real problem is that she gets it. She gets that a well-lived life is about the quality of her relationships and because of this, she invests time and energy into the relationships that matter the most to her. She dog-sits when her friends go on vacation, brings them homemade soup when they’re sick, consoles them when they break up with their boyfriends and even remembers the birthdays of her friends’ children. 

This amazing woman is upset that she’s not being shown the same kind of caring and commitment in her friendships. Friends cancel on her at the last minute, put work or their boyfriends before her, find themselves too busy to help her move. In the coaching we’ve done together, she’s starting to wonder why she’s chosen this sorry lot for friends.

Personally, I don’t think she’s made bad friendship choices. Most of her friends are good people. I think the real problem -a problem you, too may be experiencing-is that most people don’t get it. Most people spend their lives worrying about what others think of them. Most people think that stuff will bring them happiness. Most people waste hours in jobs they hate, eating food that’s terrible for their bodies and watching hours and hours of mind-numbing  television. They’re fearful and stressed and quite frankly, don’t have enough energy to really be thoughtful.    

If you are one of the few that gets what a quality life is about, please go ahead and find a handful of other like-minded individuals and friend them for life. Let that small, intimate circle sustain and nurture you through the ups and downs that you will inevitably be handed.

And, at the same time, accept that most people are just trying to get by. They don’t get it, at least not yet. Lower your expectations and don’t begrudge them their ignorance. Maybe one day they’ll do some soul-searching and reorganize their priorities but it’s probably best if you don’t hold your breath waiting for this to happen.

What you can do instead, is to take solace in the fact that your wisdom is what will help you create a wonderful life, full of kindness and happiness and depth.   

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