On Friends and Friendship

Posted on February 20, 2013



In this month, a month devoted to love, I would be remiss if I didn’t talk about one of the most important aspects in any woman’s life: the love she has for her friends.

In my last post, I talked about how important it is to find like-minded friends and not waste time and energy getting upset when others don’t share in your philosophy of friendship. Life will be better if you just accept where people are in their lives. The inevitable truth about friendship is that a very, very small handful of people will be in your inner circle and you’ll have several other closer friends but most likely, the majority of people in your life will remain, at the most, very good acquaintances.  

You know this of course, because you’re an intelligent and insightful woman. You know that not everyone will like you and that not everyone will return your affection at the level you’d like them to.

But with all of the social networking reminders of the parties you’re not invited to and the groups you’re not included in, it can be easy to lose track of this truth and start to tell yourself a story about how lonely and friendless you are. How people can’t be trusted. How you’ll never find really, truly good people to hang out with. And when that story starts, you’ll be officially throwing yourself your own little pity party to wallow in.

So let’s back up for a second here and get some clarity on your situation. In the best, most solid social life, a woman will probably have: 

1. One BFF

2. Two or three other inner circle friends

3. Three-five good friends

…and a whole bunch of really good acquaintances.

Before you look at these numbers and feel miserably inadequate (perhaps you’re still searching for inner circle friends or have been on quest for a BFF for quite some time or don’t have anyone you can really call a good friend at all), please remember that this list is indicative of the most solid, best possible social life. This is, realistically, the best one can hope for.

A person who claims to have 500 friends doesn’t really have 500 friends. She probably has a small handful of inner circle friends, several good friends and a whole lotta acquaintances.

If you’re finding yourself miserable with your friendships, it most likely means that a) you’re wasting your time and energy on people who don’t share in your personal philosophy of friendship and/or b) you’re expecting too much from your good acquaintances. More on how to deal with this problem in my next post.