The Circle of Friends-Part II

Posted on February 23, 2013

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Once you’re clear on the types of friends a woman has, then you can begin the next step in this coaching tool.

You’ll want to take a piece of white paper (ideally with no lines) and draw five concentric circles. Then, you’re going to label them like so:

1. The smallest circle, the innermost circle, is for your best friend. Label it accordingly.

2. The circle directly outside of this one (this is the second smallest circle) is for your Inner Circle.

3. The next circle is for your Good Friends.

4. The next outermost circle is for those really good acquaintances.

5. The last circle is for acquaintances.

Now, go through your friendships and, based on the definitions I provided you with in my last post, categorize your friendships accordingly.

Once you’ve got this visual, you’ll see how balanced your social life is or isn’t.

I’ve had clients who hang out only with their inner circle friends, have very few acquaintances and never venture out with anyone new. (Most introverts with unbalanced circles tend to do this). I have clients who have tons and tons of acquaintances and even several good, closer friends, but who lack an inner circle to rely on when things in life get really rough (This is common with extroverts with unbalanced circles.)

Neither one is good and of course, having very empty circles in general sets you up for a very empty life. Once you’re got your personalized visual of your friends, it’s much easier to see where your strengths and weaknesses are.

Maybe you’ve got a super gregarious personality and it’s easy for you to meet new people but you’re too busy with work or your significant other to invest the time and energy needed to create an inner circle. Perhaps you tend to be a bit shy and cling to the small group of people you’ve been friends with since college but never allow yourself to grow by hanging out with new and different types of people. Maybe you’ve been seriously burned by friends in the past and have avoided making any friends at all. 

The Circle of Friends is just a tool to help you get clarity on the state of your social life; it certainly won’t fix any imbalances. But what it will do is hold you accountable to whom you give your time and energy and also serve as a reminder of what you can and can’t expect from people. 

For example, you love hanging out with Sue from work, but she is, in reality, only a really good acquaintance. So don’t be disappointed when she doesn’t invite you to her wedding. Or, you’ve worked hard to build up a sacred inner circle of supportive and kind women, so stop giving so much of your time to that FB acquaintance when you could be connecting with people who really love you.

Use the Circle of Friends tool to gain clarity, to increase your accountability and to create a great and solid social life.   

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