#4: Blaming others

Posted on July 5, 2013


young girl pointing on you

There’s a woman I know who is (according to her) not responsible for the bad things that have happened in her life. 

Her ex-husband is to blame for her state of poverty. Her ungrateful children are to blame for her migraines. Her inadequate boss is to blame for her not getting a promotion yet. The stupid car insurance company is to blame for her high rates. The inept president is to blame for her taxes. 

Every time I interact with this woman (and I do so sparingly), she has a gripe about something. But in addition to complaining,  she never takes any kind of personal responsibility for anything. Anything that goes bad in her life is somehow someone else’s fault.

This, my friends, is a big red flag.

A mature and responsible person is able to acknowledge his/her part in any kind of problem. A wise woman will always apologize when she’s done something wrong and will also recognize that no matter how crazy or blame-deserving another person is, she always has a choice in how to deal with them.

The person that blames everyone else for their problems and does nothing to rectify them, the person that points fingers and takes no personal accountability, is a person you do not want to get into a relationship with. 

These people actually believe they are helpless victims in life.  They aren’t able to resolve conflicts effectively. And when you get involved with them, they’ll blame you for any and everything that goes wrong.  

The next time you’re beginning a relationship with someone, watch how they handle conflict with other people. Watch how they talk about the disappointments that have happened in their lives. Observe the stories they tell.  

If the same theme keeps coming up-that others are to blame, that they are somehow infallible-then it’s time to stop the relationship before it has a chance to become destructive.